10.13 - Write it as broken prose

I’m hoping not to sound like I don’t believe in God anymore after suffering,

But I have to sometimes be real, be authentic, and say what I’m feeling.

So while I believe more than ever that God is real,

That He loves me and cares for me every day,

With the way I feel, I feel like He’s been cruel and abandoned me

Left me for dead,

How I don’t feel His presence like I once did

Part of me fears to say things like I said

In the temper tantrum,

Because I wouldn’t want to place

distance between us, but that’s actually

Not so, not the way, it’s more like it draws me nearer

when I’m real with Him.

So, while faith hope and love remain eternally an eternal golden braid

And Adam Sandler screams “BUT IT ALL WAS BULL SHIT!”

After a severe breakup, which I also had

But God healed my broken heart then

But then it’s like he broke it again

Because of pride in me perhaps,

especially spiritual,

that would have been disastrous

if He hadn’t intervened.

After all, I asked for suffering

I wanted to know what Christ went through on the cross

Being separated from His father’s love, and instead 

feeling his wrath, as he became sin for us.

Now I know. And it’s terrifying.