Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Paul the Dwarf Ranger's Adventures

Paul, the Dwarf Ranger's feet ran swiftly through the underbrush, his breath in sync with his steps, quietly sprinting toward the edge of the forest. He heard the battle horns once again in the distance. Within moments he reached the forest's edge, looking out over the Eastern plain and the land of Dagobath, the river Dreyden running through its shallow central valley. His breath caught up in swift, separated drags and puffs, chest heaving under his light, brown-and-green leather armor, as he focused intensely on his search for the source of the horns he had heard just minutes ago. Finally, his eyes fixed on a group of Elven warriors riding on horseback over the edge of a distant hill. He sighed a breath of relief that they weren't Orcs or one of the tribes of men from the South. What are they hunting? he wondered silently. He scanned the horizon once more. Elves weren't known to go out on parade, and battle horns weren't to be taken lightly. Then he saw them: coming out of the South region of the woods of Goren, a pack of Orcs on the backs of beasts he'd never seen before, with razor sharp teeth and nappy fur, barely tamed and ferocious. That's their quarry, he thought to himself, stroking his long, braided black beard. He decided to kneel and rest while he watched the battle begin, arrows whizzing from the Elven company and hitting their targets with a distinctive "pop" or "thack" - some Orcs fell off their beasts, some beasts keeled over with a thud and a roar of pain. These Elves were definitely expert marksmen, never wasting a single arrow. Paul pulled a small spyglass out of his knapsack and inspected the Elven ranks to see where they came from. As he inspected their armor, which appeared to be gold or brass in the shining sun, he noted their banner was a light blue - Elves from the Eastern forest of Dar-Haman. "Hmmphh," grunted Paul, "How did they know to come here in search of Orcs? Even I..." - something stopped him. He heard a crack of a branch or twig behind him and quickly turned about to face none other than Dithandril the Blue Wizard. "Dithandril!" he exclaimed in a whisper. "What are you doing here?"
"Hunting Orc... with the help of a few friends," replied Dithandril with a smirk on his face.
"I see that!" torted Paul. "Why have they ventured out this far?"
"I'm not sure, but our friends from Dar-Haman will soon take care of them."
Paul was secretly ashamed of himself that he, a ranger, would be so easily snuck-up-on by Dithandril in the woods he often called home. But then, he was sprinting just moments ago. Ah well, he thought, but how did he know to come here? Wizards are uncommonly good at being in the right place at the right time...that's for sure.
"We need your help, Paul"
"My help? What for?"
"The ancient ruins of the fortress of Durien-Dolast have been overrun by Orcs and Goblins. It is now standing as an outpost of evil in our world, and it must be cleansed, completely destroyed if necessary. You're the only one's who's been there, and who knows the lay of the land. Would you help us?"
"A Dwarf Ranger, a company of Elves, and the great Blue Wizard? Together on an adventure of some sort? Are you quite sure about this?"
"Yes. Yes I am."
Paul sighed. "I feel a bit odd about the whole matter, Dithandril. Quests aren't exactly my thing, you know - I try to live a peaceful existence here, keeping watch over the Western Woods. If I'm gone, who will take my place?"
"There are others in these lands who have as keen an interest as you in watching over hill and vale, mountain and valley, wood and prairie... you would not be missed for long."
"I see."
Paul seemed deep in thought for the moment, then finally said, "Well, then, we best be off!"
"HaHA! I knew I could count on you, my friend! Now, let's go see what the Elves have found."

Paul looked back over the plain, seeing that the Elves had finished off the Orc troop with relative ease, no casualties to be found among them. They appeared to be searching the Orcish corpses for loot or some such thing. Dithandril and Paul made their way down, along the edge of the forest towards the Elves, and the Elven Captain rode out to meet them on his beautiful, pure white horse. "Greetings Dithandril! This must be Paul, the Dwarf Ranger!"
"Aye," said Paul. "That would be me."
"Has he agreed to join our company?"
"Yes he has, and we're lucky to have him," said Dithandril. "What have you found?"
"Mostly Goblin hooks, but I was surprised to find this among them..." - He pulled out a short sword with a black hilt and grip - this was not of Human, nor Orcish, nor Goblin manufacture, for certain.
"What is that?" Asked Paul.
"That, my friend, is not of this world," said Dithandril.
"It was made during the time of the demons of ancient times, weapons made to take our lands for the kingdom of Lucifer himself," said the Elven Captain.
"This does not bode well for us," said Dithandril gravely, "But we must push on to Durien-Dolast before more damage is done."
"Indeed. My name is Ondrius, Paul. I report to Lord Dalron in the Elven city of Magen-Shulam. He has personally endorsed this quest of ours, and has equipped our company well for our journey. Have you a horse?"
"Aye," said Paul. Paul turned, stuck two fingers in his mouth and blew hard, letting out a loud whistle. Down came running and whinnying a small brown horse, almost a pony, with a shiny, brownish blond mane and gentle eyes, but spirited and sprightly, from the forest edge to meet him. He gently touched her nose and whispered sweetly in her ear. "This," he said proudly, "is Eloha, my good friend and companion."
"She's a wonderful horse!" said Dithandril.
"Indeed," said Ondrius. "Shall we move along? Dithandril, your horse will be waiting for you in camp."

That evening, they set up camp at the forest's edge, burning the bodies of the Orcs and beasts on a bonfire, but, of course, doing their cooking over the smaller campfire set up near the horses. The smell, not to mention the taste, of burning Orc would turn any stomach. Paul shifted his weight often during the night's meal, not quite comfortable with the idea of eating with Elves, although they did offer him the best portion. Shorter and wider than anyone else in the company, he didn't feel he fit in very well, but he tried not to allow the rifts between dwarves and elves to get in the way of developing friendships. After all, as a ranger he was one of an elite few dwarves who ever left the mines and underground kingdoms of their birth. He had a different perspective on things than his mining bretheren. The night's conversation was centered mostly around the afternoon's battle and the mysterious black blade, but one Elf spoke up and asked Paul, "So, Dwarf Ranger, what of your adventures in the wood? Have you any tales to tell?"
Paul grunted and shifted his weight a bit again, then spoke up, "Well, lads, I've been up and down the Blue Mountains more times than I could count, hunting in the forests, keeping watch o'er things in general... as for adventures, I remember once taking a few of my kin on a trip around the Dark Swamp and into the Troll caves of the Misty Mountain's foothills, searching for treasure. We found a good sized chest-full, all told, and slew five troll, at that."
"How many of you were there?" asked an Elf sitting across the fire from him.
"Twelve of us, including myself."
"Impressive!" said the Elf, raising both eyebrows.

By next morning's light, the company packed up and left that place, heading up through the forest trail towards Durien-Dolast. Birds whistled, flitting through the air around them. Paul sighed, feeling right at home in the wilds as the group trotted along. He couldn't help but think about what Dithandril said about the strange blade - what kind of evil was waiting for them at Durien-Dolast? He didn't want to know, but he prepared himself in prayer, something that he had always done to keep in touch with his Creator, and unafraid of whatever might come his way. And if he ever was afraid, he knew Who was bigger than his fears. A bit of rain started to sprinkle on the company, and Paul heard Dithandril groan up ahead - he didn't like rain. Paul had to smile at that one. Even the great Blue Wizard had his soft spots - maybe that just made him a mortal like himself. The Elves, on the other hand, were a strange lot - apparently immortal unless killed in battle, and enigmatic - always mysterious in their motives.

At last, they came upon a great tree, its bark inscribed in ancient Elvish at about eye-level for a man. "What does it say?" asked Paul. "It says, 'Take the Eastern road to Durien-Dolast'," replied the Elven Captain. "We'll set up camp just over the next hill. We'll want to be well rested for the battle ahead. Durien-Dolast is only 12 miles from here." Everyone slept well that night, surprisingly - as the night watch heard sounds from the distant mountain fortress ahead - Orcs and Goblins screeching.



...

[Paul dies at the end, saving his companions' lives and winning the battle at Durien-Dolast.]
[The elves sing this song at the end of the story:]

Over the moutains,
upon the hills,
and through the forests,
he took vigils.

That day we saw him,
at Durien,
Dolast bidding,
his blood to spill.

We will remember,
Paul the spry,
for he saved us,
and gave his life.

Final Journal Entry

Part 1:

I think the easiest part of the class was the journal entries - being able to just take time to write whatever I wanted and submit it as part of the class. The hardest part was probably the reading - it was hard to stay current with my reading because it was kind of dry. It had it's interesting parts, but I'm not a big fan of textbook readings anyways. That was probably where I was the most bored, too. I think I grew in learning how to "show" instead of "tell" for the most part. I'm most proud of my "Paul the Dwarf Ranger's Adventures" piece, even though I didn't finish it, so it's also the one I could have done better with.

Part 2:

Lectures were pretty good - straightforward and not too long, and discussions on blackboard (giving feedback) was good too. Textbook readings were probably the least effective for me (I know, I'm really bashing the whole textbook thing). I liked journaling the best as far as activities go. I think I liked open mic the least.

Part 3:

If I could change one thing about the class, it would be to have less reading (lol).

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Anymore

First love, first kiss;
first verse, first bliss.

I loved her dearly,
I held her nearly;
She was my princess,
I was never listless.

Elyse was her name,
true love we had gained;
long it waxed,
then forever it waned.

I let her go,
I had to, you see;
before it had snowed,
she turned on me.

She didn't understand,
why I had to go;
why life had to flow,
why I had to take a stand,
why I couldn't be her man...

anymore.

Spring of Dreams

You can take me,
take me as I am.

You can break me,
break me if you can.

When there's Winter,
or when there's Spring;
you can meet me,
by the spring.

The spirit's water flows,
in torrents, wide it grows.

Will you meet me?
By the spring?
The fount of mercy,
grace and dreams?

If you're searching,
for the streams,
do you wait there,
for your dreams?

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Paul the Ranger Character Profile

Paul the Ranger 
Male Dwarf Ranger 20
Lawful Good
Representing Jacob Jackson
Strength16(+3)
Dexterity11(+0)
Constitution13(+1)
Intelligence15(+2)
Wisdom12(+1)
Charisma16(+3)
Size:Medium
Height:4' 5"
Weight:170 lb
Eyes:Green
Hair:Dark Brown Curly; Average Beard
Skin:Tan
Total Hit Points: 140
Speed: 20 feet
Armor Class: 14 = 10 + 4 [chain shirt] 
    Touch AC: 10
    Flat-footed: 14
Initiative modifier:+ 0= + 0 [dexterity] 
Fortitude save:+ 13= 12 [base] + 1 [constitution] 
Reflex save:+ 12= 12 [base] 
Will save:+ 7= 6 [base] + 1 [wisdom] 
Attack (handheld):+ 23/ + 18/ + 13/ + 8= 20 [base] + 3 [strength] 
Attack (missile):+ 20/ + 15/ + 10/ + 5= 20 [base] 
Combat Maneuver Bonus:+ 23= 20 [base] + 3 [strength] 
Combat Maneuver Defense:+ 33= 10 + 20 [base] + 3 [strength] 
Light load:
Medium load:
Heavy load:
Lift over head:
Lift off ground:
Push or drag:
76 lb. or less
77-153 lb.
154-230 lb.
230 lb.
460 lb.
1150 lb.
Languages:Common Dwarven Giant Terran 
Quarterstaff [1d6/1d6, crit x2, 4 lb., two-handed, bludgeoning]
Heavy Crossbow [1d10, crit 19-20/x2, range inc 120 ft., 8 lb., piercing]
Dart [1d4, crit x2, range inc. 20 ft., 1/2 lb, piercing]
Composite Longbow [1d8, crit x3, range incr. 110 ft., 3 lb, piercing]
Dwarven Waraxe [1d10, crit x3, 8 lb., one-handed, slashing]
Dwarven Urgrosh [1d8/1d6, crit x3, 12 lb., two-handed, slashing or piercing]
Chain shirt [light; + 4 AC; max dex + 4; check penalty -2 25 lb.] 
Feats:
    Acrobatic+2 on acrobatics and fly checks
    Alertness+2 on perception and sense motive
    Animal Affinity+2 on handle animal and ride
    Athletic+1 on climb and swim
    Endurance+4 on saves vs. nonlethal damage [free to rangers]
    LeadershipCohort and followers
    Persuasive+2 on diplomacy and intimidate
    Point Blank Shot+1 attack on damage on ranged targets within 30 feet
    Far ShotDecreased penalties for ranged attacks by half
    Precise ShotFire into melee without penalty
    Many ShotShoot two arrows at once
    Shot on the RunShoot at any time while moving
    RunRun at 5x normal speed
    Self-Sufficient+2 on heal and survival
    Stealthy
    Improved Familiar
Skill Name
Key
Ability
Skill
Modifier
Ability
Modifier
Ranks
Misc.
Modifier
AcrobaticsDex*8 = 
+0
+ 5+ 3 [class skill] + 2 [acrobatic] -2 [armor] 
AppraiseInt2 = 
+2
BluffCha5 = 
+3
+ 2 [persuasive] 
ClimbStr*16 = 
+3
+ 10+ 3 [class skill] + 2 [athletic] -2 [armor] 
Craft_1Int2 = 
+2
Craft_2Int2 = 
+2
Craft_3Int2 = 
+2
DiplomacyCha3 = 
+3
DisguiseCha3 = 
+3
Escape ArtistDex*-2 = 
+0
-2 [armor] 
FlyDex*0 = 
+0
+ 2 [acrobatic] -2 [armor] 
Handle AnimalCha18 = 
+3
+ 10+ 3 [class skill] + 2 [animal affinity] 
HealWis26 = 
+1
+ 20+ 3 [class skill] + 2 [self-sufficient] 
IntimidateCha5 = 
+3
+ 2 [persuasive] 
Knowledge (dungeoneering)Int18 = 
+2
+ 10+ 3 [class skill] 
Knowledge (geography)Int25 = 
+2
+ 20+ 3 [class skill] 
Knowledge (nature)Int20 = 
+2
+ 15+ 3 [class skill] 
PerceptionWis21 = 
+1
+ 15+ 3 [class skill] + 2 [alertness] 
Perform_1Cha3 = 
+3
Perform_2Cha3 = 
+3
Perform_3Cha3 = 
+3
Perform_4Cha3 = 
+3
Perform_5Cha3 = 
+3
ProfessionWis9 = 
+1
+ 5+ 3 [class skill] 
RideDex*20 = 
+0
+ 15+ 3 [class skill] + 2 [handle animal] + 2 [animal affinity] -2 [armor] 
Sense MotiveWis3 = 
+1
+ 2 [alertness] 
StealthDex*23 = 
+0
+ 20+ 3 [class skill] -2 [armor] + 2 [stealthy] 
SurvivalWis21 = 
+1
+ 15+ 3 [class skill] + 2 [self-sufficient] 
SwimStr**16 = 
+3
+ 10+ 3 [class skill] + 2 [athletic] -2 [armor] 
* = check penalty for armor/shield
** = some groups double armor/shield penalties for swimmers
First-level Ranger spells: 5 (4 + 1) per day
Second-level Ranger spells: 4 per day
Use your 3 third-level ranger spell slots to cast lower-level spells:
Use your 3 fourth-level ranger spell slots to cast lower-level spells:
Favored class points: Hit points +10; Skill points +10
Adjust weapon attack rolls and armor penalties as required for masterwork / magic equipment.
Dwarf
  • + 2 constitution, +2 wisdom, -2 charisma (already included)

  • Can move 20 feet even if in heavy armor

  • Darkvision (see 60 feet in pitch-dark)

  • Stonecunning ( + 2 on perception checks regarding stonework; automatic check if passing in ten feet)

  • All dwarves are proficient with battleaxes, heavy picks, and warhammers. 

  • + 4 to avoid being bullrushed / tripped while standing on ground

  • + 2 racial bonus on saves vs. poison

  • + 2 racial bonus on saves vs. spells / spell-like abilities

  • + 1 racial bonus to hit orcs and goblinoids

  • + 4 dodge bonus on AC against giants

  • + 2 racial bonus on appraise checks if stone/metal
Ranger
  • Favored enemies. Bonus applies to attack (unlike 3.5), damage, bluff, knowledge (can always make checks), perception, sense motive, survival. 

  • Favored terrains. Bonus applies to initiative, geography, perception, stealth, surival; need not leave tracks. 

  • Bonus to tracking

  • Combat Style

  • Endurance

  • Wild empathy (roll level + charisma bonus)

  • Endurance (level 3)

  • Hunter's bond -- either an animal companion or bond with companions and grant some favored enemy bonuses to them(level 4)

  • Woodland Stride (level 7)

  • Swift Tracker (level 8)

  • Evasion (level 9)

  • Quarry (level 11)

  • Camouflage (level 12)

  • Improved Evasion (level 16)

  • Hide in Plain Sight (level 17) -- any favored terrain

  • Improved quarry (level 19) -- any favored terrain

  • Master Hunter (level 20) -- lethal attacks, superior tracking

  • High wisdom gains bonus spells daily

  • Concentration check: d20 + rangre level + wisdom modifier vs. DC
Favored Enemies:
  • Animals + 2

  • Dragons + 4

  • Humanoids (elf) + 2

  • Humanoids (giant) + 8

  • Magical Beasts + 2
Favored Terrains:
  • Fesert + 4

  • Gorest + 6

  • Jungle + 2

  • Mountain + 2
This ranger chose the archery track.
ClassHP rolled
Level 1:Ranger10
Level 2:Ranger10
Level 3:Ranger3
Level 4:Ranger2+ 1 to charisma
Level 5:Ranger4
Level 6:Ranger4
Level 7:Ranger4
Level 8:Ranger7+ 1 to charisma
Level 9:Ranger4
Level 10:Ranger10
Level 11:Ranger7
Level 12:Ranger10+ 1 to charisma
Level 13:Ranger3
Level 14:Ranger9
Level 15:Ranger4
Level 16:Ranger2+ 1 to intelligence
Level 17:Ranger5
Level 18:Ranger5
Level 19:Ranger4
Level 20:Ranger3+ 1 to dexterity

Paul's Equipment:
    61 lb
    2 lb
    6 lb
    2 lb
    5 lb
    3 lb

    40 lb
    5 lb



    1 lb

    10 lb
    1 lb
    5 lb
    10 lb
    1 lb

    1 lb
    8 lb
    1 lb
    20 lb
    1 lb
    1 lb
    5 lb
    1 lb


    _____
    190 lb
    Weapons / Armor / Shield (from above)
    Crossbow bolts (quiver of 10) x2
    Arrows (quiver of 20) x2
    Backpack
    Bedroll
    Blanket, winter x1
    Candle
    Firewood (1 day) x2
    Fishing net
    Flint and steel
    Ink vial
    Ink pen
    Lamp (common)
    Paper sheets x2
    Pot
    Pouch x1
    Rations (1 day) x5
    Rope (50', hempen) x1
    Sacks x1
    Signet ring
    Soap
    Spade / shovel
    Spyglass
    Tent
    Torches x1
    Whetstone
    Climber's kit
    Healer kit
    Holy symbol (wooden)
    Magnifying glass

    Total

Animal companion: Horse
    Strength 25
    Constitution 17
    Dexterity 20
    Intelligence 3
    Wisdom 13
    Charisma 6
    Total Hit Points: 131
    Size: Large
    Speed: 50
    Natural Armor Class: +25 = 12 [base] + 12 [natural armor] +1 [dodge] -- add size, dexterity and armor modifiers as applicable)
    Initiative modifier: 5 = 5 [dexterity]
    Fortitude save: 15 = 10 [base] +3 [constitution] + 2 [great fortitude]
    Reflex save: 15 = 10 [base] +5 [dexterity]
    Will save: 6 = 5 [base] +1 [wisdom]
    Attack: +19 = +12 [base] + 7 [strength]; bite (1d4), 2 hooves (1d6) -- hooves are secondary
    Combat Maneuver Bonus: + 20 = 12 [base] + 7 [strength] +1 [large]
    Combat Maneuver Defense: + 45 = 20 +12 [base] + 7 [strength] + 5 [dexterity] +1 [large]
    Special: low-light vision, scent, combat trained
    Skill: Acrobatics 12 [5 dexterity + 2 ranks + 3 class skill + 2 acrobatic]
    Skill: Climb 14 [7 strength + 4 ranks + 3 class skill ]
    Skill: Escape Artist 5 [5 dexterity + 0 ranks]
    Skill: Fly 7 [5 dexterity + 0 ranks + 2 acrobatic]
    Skill: Intimidate -2 [-2 charisma + 0 ranks]
    Skill: Perception 6 [1 wisdom + 2 ranks + 3 class skill ]
    Skill: Stealth 15 [5 dexterity + 4 ranks + 3 class skill + 3 skill focus ]
    Skill: Survival 7 [1 wisdom + 0 ranks + 3 skill focus ]
    Skill: Swim 14 [7 strength + 4 ranks + 3 class skill ]
    Feat: Acrobatic
    Feat: Dodge
    Feat: Great Fortitude
    Feat: Improved Overrun
    Feat: Power Attack
    Feat: Run
    Feat: Skill Focus -- Stealth
    Feat: Skill Focus -- Survival
    Link, share spells (level 1)
    Evasion (level 3)
    Devotion (level 6)
    Multiattack (level 9)
    Improved evasion (level 15)
More about Paul:

Gone Fishing and My Desire for Healing

When I finished reading "Gone Fishing" by James H. Schmitz, I found myself wishing for a similar experience as Chard had. Since I was a small child, I always enjoyed spending time alone and figuring out how to have fun by myself. This was mostly due to the fact that my brother has Austism, and I got less attention from my parents. I also greatly enjoyed spending time with my grandparents at their cottage near Waupaca, WI, on a clear water, spring-fed lake called Stratton. Something interesting has happened to me - as I approached and went through high school and early college days, I found myself increasingly busy and active doing may different things: school, classes, after school activities, sports, show choir, work, personal projects - but after dealing with both my Army training and mental illness, I've found that I long for those early days of simplicity and being on the lake, fishing, inventing things, reading, etc. I feel that a 5 year trip to another planet with a simple environment, all my needs taken care of but having to use my own mind and my surroundings to make life interesting, would be very healing for me. It seems like the more I try to go after the busier times when life seemed so complex and interesting, and when I felt the most productive, the more stressed out I get and the more I need medication. I've found that, in my new job at Perkins, I am always looking at the clock, aching for work to be over so I can go home and sleep, basically. But I enjoy my job - it's just that with schizo-affective disorder, and being overweight, it kind of wears on me after awhile. Always being on my feet makes my heels hurt, long periods of rapid activity and having to think on my feet lead to anxiety... and getting exercise is rarely something I feel motivated to do. I guess I feel that I would really like to "be" more than I "do" - like Chard did. He was a "doer" but became a "be-er" - if I had 5 years of open-ended time in the wilderness, with no one else around, just me and God, I feel that my life would be so very much better than it is now. I'd have to make my own meals, but on my own time, not in a rush to get to school on time (or at all), or to work, or anywhere. Maybe I'd get lonely, and maybe not, but either way I think it'd be beneficial. I guess I also wouldn't mind experimenting with alcohol in a relatively safe environment, but I'd probably throw away the cigarettes. I suppose being in a place where I could do healthy things (like walking, fishing, making dinner, playing chess, writing, reading, praying) whenever those things come to me would be healing. I find that I struggle through my two daily devotionals, and wish I could have more open-ended time with God. Not that I don't get anything out of them, it's just that it's hard to quiet myself when there's so much going on. I've always got songs stuck in my head or something of the like running through my brain - or I'm adverse to reading scripture more open-endedly because there's that movie I want to watch or that project I want to work on, or I'm just afraid of the change that's required. I guess getting rid of distractions is the biggest piece - and getting in touch with nature. I used to go on long walks and build forts in Cherokee Conservation Area when I was a boy and that was a lot of fun, and very healthy. Now I can barely get myself to go on a walk around the pond in the apartment complex. Maybe it's the city life that's getting to me, and I need a respite somewhere up North. I know my Dad talks about building a cabin home and living away from the city, and I've come to agree with him more and more. All in all, Chard's experience is one I'd like to have for myself.

Social Media Profile for Luke Skywalker

Name: Luke Skywalker
Parents: Anakin and Padme Skywalker
Sibling(s): Leia Organa Skywalker
Home Planet: Tatooine
Occupation: Jedi Knight, Jedi Master
Skills: Space Pilot, good with a Blaster, Moisture Farming
Friends: Han Solo, Chewbacca, Yoda, Ben Kenobi, R2-D2, C-3PO, Mara Jade
Enemies: Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, the Empire in general, Bobba Fett
Strange Things About Me: I kissed my sister once
Schools: The Jedi Academy, The Dagobah Swamp

My Favorite Book/TV/Movie/Historical Characters

I remember reading a lot of Star Wars novels when I was younger, and I really liked to follow Luke Skywalker and all his adventures. In one trilogy, he started a new Jedi Academy on Yavin IV (I believe) and went out on a search for Jedi potentials out in the galaxy. I liked how he had Ben Kenobi, in spirit, to lean on from time to time, but at the same time had to sort of figure out the Force on his own and develop new techniques for its usage in various adventures. I liked how he was very innovative and used not only the Force but also his own ingenuity and intelligence at the same time, whether it be as a spaceship pilot or creating a makeshift bomb to help him get out of a "anti-Jedi" chamber. I also liked Yoda, especially in the Star Wars movies, mostly because of his sense of humor but also because he was very close to the Force. I always thought of the Force as being like faith and had a spiritual connection with the movies and books I watched and read.

I also really liked Matthew Quigley in Quigley Down Under. He was a master rifleman/marksman and had some great lines like "Don't know where we're goin' but there's no use bein' late," or "Don't know about you but my stomach thinks my throat's been cut." I liked his demeanor and confidence, as well as his compassion towards the Aborigines, and how he wins out in the end against his enemy - showing that he knew full well how to use a pistol and draw it fast - even though he said "Never had much use for one."

Sunday, March 15, 2015

10.13 - Write it as broken prose

I’m hoping not to sound like I don’t believe in God anymore after suffering,
But I have to sometimes be real, be authentic, and say what I’m feeling.
So while I believe more than ever that God is real,
That He loves me and cares for me every day,
With the way I feel, I feel like He’s been cruel and abandoned me
Left me for dead,
How I don’t feel His presence like I once did
Part of me fears to say things like I said
In the temper tantrum,
Because I wouldn’t want to place
distance between us, but that’s actually
Not so, not the way, it’s more like it draws me nearer
when I’m real with Him.
So, while faith hope and love remain eternally an eternal golden braid
And Adam Sandler screams “BUT IT ALL WAS BULL SHIT!”
After a severe breakup, which I also had
But God healed my broken heart then
But then it’s like he broke it again
Because of pride in me perhaps,
especially spiritual,
that would have been disastrous
if He hadn’t intervened.
After all, I asked for suffering
I wanted to know what Christ went through on the cross
Being separated from His father’s love, and instead 
feeling his wrath, as he became sin for us.

Now I know. And it’s terrifying.

10.12 - Let the poem have a temper tantrum

Wherever there’s peace,
You’ll find me there.

Wherever there’s love,
Yes, I’ll be there.

Wherever there’s hope,
Eternally yours,
Wherever there’s faith,
I’m yours, I’m yours.

The eternal golden braid,
Of faith, hope, and love
A strand of three cords
Is not easily broken.

BUT IT ALL WAS BULL SHIT!!!
I’m aching, I’m dying, I’m in a dark hole
Where are you God, and your three-stranded cord?
I’m having a tantrum
Yes don’t you see?
It’s ME it’s ME it’s ME it’s ME

I’m harrowed, Not hallowed
But that’s okay, I never wanted to be God
I never wanted to say
That I knew you before and you made all things new
But I chew, and I chew, and I chew, and I chew
On this three-stranded cord,
‘Till my face is all blue
I knew, yes I knew, that hope wasn’t true
Where are you God?
I’m mentally unstable
I might as well wear a church-hopping label
I hop from church to church,
Finding nothing but terror,

and your Bible I think I just one big error

10.11 - Write a poem however it comes to you

Wherever there’s peace,
You’ll find me there.

Wherever there’s love,
Yes, I’ll be there.

Wherever there’s hope,
Eternally yours,
Wherever there’s faith,
I’m yours, I’m yours.

The eternal golden braid,
Of faith, hope, and love
A strand of three cords

Is not easily broken.

10.25 - Write a brag. (some material adapted from Meghan Trainor, Ozomatli, and Irving Berlin)

Anything you can do I can do better, I can do anything better than you.

I can sing like a bird
I can dance like Michael Jackson
I’m the show choir freak
I’ll show you all the action

ACTion JACKson, matter’fact we
Push this over and bump this new phat beat

I’ve got that boom-boom
You know that means I shake it
All the right junk in all the right places

Anything you can do I can do better, I can do anything better than you.

I can solder a joint
Yes a resistor and a capacitor
I can show you the point
Of Ohm’s Law, and a Tractor…

…Beam and that’s Star Wars
I know all the trivia
I even know when Luke Skywalker gets busy-ah
(with Mara Jade [you have to read the books])

I’m an engineer, you see, so told by a prof
As I aced out the Dean’s List
At UW-Madison

Anything you can do I can do better, I can do anything better than you.

Yes, I played volleyball in high school
and got my Varsity badge
But at the UW I was cox’n in crew
That’s right, NCAA Division I athlete

I even played baseball,
Caught two fly balls in a row
From standing at shortstop
‘Cause the outfield just blows

Yes, I even played tennis,
And won much in doubles,
Told other teams jokes,

Yes, I got into trouble

10.26 - Write an epithalamium.

You’re a carousel,
You’re a wishing well,
And you light me up,
When you ring my bell,
You’re the swimming pool,
On an August day,
And you’re the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy,
But it’s kinda cute!
Oh when you smile at me you know exactly what you do,
Baby don’t pretend,
That you don’t know it’s true,
‘Cause you can see it when I look at you.

And in this crazy life,
And through these crazy times,
It’s you it’s you,
You make me sing,
You’re every line,
You’re every word,
You’re everything.

-Michael Bublé


Did You See The Turdy Pointer?

The snow crunched beneath their hooves, and they blinked with eyes like doves' eyes. One, a spike, tip-toed through the frozen mud to lick the salt block, partly melted, like candy does in your mouth. The minerals therein would do him much good, to become a stately buck. The small group of whitetail deer moved along beneath my tree fortress, built by my cousin and I years ago. Having spritzed myself with the scent of earth (and taken a shower with Scent Killer), they didn't notice my presence above them. My shotgun, Betty Lou, was aching to be fired, but I knew I should be patient as a spider before shooting any whitetail today - for it was the Thirty Point Buck I was after, not a spike and three lovely does. Their tails twitched and wiggled as they walked along, and I breathed a quick prayer that my quarry would reveal himself before nightfall. Nearly two frigid hours later, three sets of antlers sauntered their way across my path, giving me hope that the Thirty Pointer was not far behind. I could settle for an eight or a ten, but the Thirty Pointer was all I could think about (besides my toes shouting throbbing at me for warmth). I shifted my weight. The boards beneath me creaked like the Oaks in the wind, and one of the bucks stopped, sniffing the air and wondering about the sound. I held my breath. Good thing I had brought my scent removing gum along. I carefully removed a piece from the package, moving my arm slowly and deliberately - then unwrapped it from it's foil accouterments and put it in my mouth. I chewed on it, reveling in the taste of... whatever it was. The bucks continued on their way, following the same small trail the does and spike left behind. Another hour passed, birds chirping and landing on the branches around me, looking curiously of the set of eyes staring out from the snow mask. I felt like Snow White in camouflage. The wind blew a little harder, stinging the skin exposed by the eye-holes of the mask, and I wriggled my toes for warmth. Then I saw him. The Thirty Pointer. The Thirty Pointer weighed Two.. Thousand.. Pounds. He grunted and snorted in my general direction, his senses far keener than any of his predecessors. His rack was majestic, three feet wide, and two feet tall. No drop tines, no irregularities, just pure magic. I slowly raised my shotgun, slugs waiting steadily inside the barrel. I breathed in slowly, watched him turn a quarter towards me, and let it out halfway, and squeezed the trigger.

BOOM!

And there he was - gone.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

The Tree in the Corner (Imagist Poetry)

The tree in the corner
It's taller than me

Gray moss below
In a brown bucket

It's branches are trimmed
Cut off at the top

Variegated leaves
Green and white

I touched it -
Oh, it's plastic

Personification / Hyperbole

Personification

The painting threw rocks at me in jest.

Hyperbole

Those rocks were as big as my car.

Happenstance

Happenstance.
Does it happen?
Is it a stance?
What else has a stance?
Stands-with-a-fist.
Dances-with-wolves.
Pining the groves,
Carrying loads,
Alligators in moats.
What is the stance of the alligator?
Waiting, watching, wanting, eating.
Oh my son, they were only slaves,
Terror. He was a Hebrew. His father's greeting,
Do you not know what Seti was?
Go down, Moses, way down in Egypt land,
Tell old, Pharaoh, let my people go.

Saturday, March 7, 2015

Idea Generation 4

Singing in the Rain, Gene Kelley, heroes, dancing, low center of gravity, I'm in love with my dog Willow, I'm in love with dogs in general, I'm in love with animals in general, I'm in love with creation in general (except bugs and insects and spiders and other unpleasant things), but has my love for God gone cold? Better to be cold than lukewarm, I suppose. Let's see... boats, flying, planes, hair, curly hair, my hair used to be curly what happened? Drinking too much but magically getting a ride home with someone from school, volleyball games where I never get played front row, dreams about being in quicksand, actually getting stuck in quick-mud and my cousin patiently explaining why he wasn't going to save me until I learned to listen to warnings about white mud. Oh yeah. Good times.

Hard Work Work

We had many cadences during my time in the Army – many of them not appropriate to share, however, my favorite was the simple “Ah-hard work-work…. Ah-hard work-work” chanted in response to various calls of the Drill Sergeant. I absolutely loved the physical training we went through. It was motivating to be one unit, one team, embodying everything the Army stands for – Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless Service, Honor, Integrity, and Personal Courage (which spells “LDRSHIP” or, "Leadership"). What didn’t float my boat was hours upon hours of sleep deprivation. Perhaps it was this less-wanted form of training that eventually broke me down mentally.

By the time I reached Advanced Individual Training, I had begun to seriously decompensate in my mental faculties. When it caused me to fail, I pushed harder and stress began to seep into my chest, driving me out of control. At the compassionate suggestion of a Drill Instructor, I went to be seen by CMHS (Community Mental Health Services). While there, I was diagnosed with a severe mental illness, and was put in the Moncrief General Army Hospital's psychiatric ward for about a month, then was confronted with the decision to either fight to stay in, or sign the papers and allow myself to go home with a “general discharge” – which is neither honorable nor dishonorable, simply circumstantial.

I was deeply torn – between my desire to serve my country and honor her with my service (and my grandfather being a General and the one who swore me in – wanting to make him proud, too), and my deep need for psychological healing. I wasn’t a bad apple – I was already a team player, a leader, and a hard worker – not to mention always having respect for my superiors and toeing the line every day – but my brain just couldn’t handle it anymore. I don’t think I was built for the Army. You see, I came from a performance and academics background – in high school I was an A student, a National Merit Scholar, received over twelve gold medals for my singing, was Vocal Captain of Show Choir, Dance Lead of Concert Choir, won several academic achievement awards, and my friends loved to tell me that choir was simply “The Jacob Jackson Show” – “and you know it’s true,” they would say. Granted, I was also a Varsity Men’s Volleyball player, and was even an NCAA Division I athlete in college at the University of Wisconsin – Madison, but most of my aptitudes were not that of an Army Private that needed to be broken down – my “building” was already on a good foundation.

That foundation was my faith – and what ultimately helped me to stay with it and not give up – not choosing suicide, the thoughts of which came to me many times over the course of the next 9 years. You see, I had entered a time in which God would allow me to experience what life would be like without Him, showing me my pride in thinking that all these talents and abilities and honors were somehow coming from me alone, and that I didn’t need to be serious about obeying His commands. He had warned me, and I did not heed those warnings. He had told me in an intense and “just knowing” way that I should not go into the Army. I disobeyed.

Fast forward a few years and you’d find me on several heavy-duty medications, hardly able to communicate, sleeping for extended periods of time, sometimes up to 20 hours a day, and with no clear direction in life. I tried and failed at re-entering the UW twice, not able to wrap my mind around any topic, not even the familiar ones. It was rough. I went from psychiatrist to psychiatrist, receiving one diagnosis after another, and eventually they settled on schizo-affective disorder, some sort of combination of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. I also have depression and anxiety. Personally, I couldn’t help but think it was more like post-traumatic stress disorder. The depression was like watching an extremely boring television show, the same episode over and over, with no commercials. That was my life. The anxiety was like intense panic and feeling like I was spinning out of control - and my thoughts began to run amok inside my head, and I tried with all I had to keep them under control, but couldn't. I would often, during an anxiety attack (which was also usually accompanied by dissociative issues) just get home, get in bed, and pull the covers over my head and hide until it was over. Even though it always ended eventually, it always feels like it's going to last forever when you're in it.

Now, these medications are nasty things – most of them are major tranquilizers, and few of them made me feel anywhere near close to “normal.” The only medication that actually seemed to help me was lorazepam, which helped me talk and relax communicatively. However, this was also the one medication I knew I didn’t want to get too much of – fearing an addiction. Thankfully, I didn’t. As the years wore on, I grew more and more overweight – eventually getting to 100lbs over my weigh-in in college, another side-effect of the medications. Being a dancer, this was devastating, as I couldn’t really dance without completely embarrassing myself.

I tried performing in a couple musicals, and did very well, but the sense of pride and fulfillment just weren’t there. I was an empty shell with a nice voice. I was having anxiety attacks nearly every day, at every rehearsal, for hours at a time, feeling like I was losing my mind and fearing I had become a social introvert after always being a sort of social butterfly in times past. The weight, the depression, the lack of energy or motivation to do anything, was starting to snowball – until I started to advocate for myself.

With God’s help, I was able to start studying in a smaller, more forgiving academic environment – Herzing College. I can’t begin to tell you how much I did NOT want to go to school at Herzing. I was incredibly torn – I wanted everything to be “back to the way it used to be” at the UW, where I lived in the dorm and had many friends and was participating in lots of activities. Herzing felt like a step down for me and I didn’t like it. I also thought that while Game Development sounded like fun, I should be doing something more like engineering or dance or vocal performance. It took time. It took lots of time, dropping out, re-entering, dropping out again, but always with a firm conviction that I needed to finish something. So I kept coming back. Slowly but surely, I began to see things differently. I began to see that God was healing me very slowly, one small step at a time. I saw my mental illness as a gift to help me understand myself and others, and ultimately God. I began to be creative again, I began to have a desire to do programming work and learn new languages to code with. I started to see the pieces fall into place: that God had not truly left me, He had simply withdrawn fellowship for a season so that I could learn that “in Him we live and move and have our being” – before long I was in a group home and learned to open up about my childhood, then an apartment with two friends and started picking up the pieces of my self-image and health, then I received a car as a gift (all of these were prayers at one time or another, now being answered), then, finally, an active desire to actually want to make games. This I did not expect.

I had gone through three, maybe four revisions of a poster board on my wall with all the things I was good at and wanted to do with my life (hoping to figure it all out and catch a dream I could follow after). I would eventually tear it apart and throw it away, only to start again a few months later. Finally I realized life did not consist in the following after of dreams, but in relationship with the Living God, and with other people as He saw fit. Now I’m at a point of – “Okay, God – I’m serious now, I want you back in my life, I want healthy relationships, I want to try again… but where are you? How is this supposed to work?” you see, realizing the truth of what has really been happening the past 10 years was one thing, but coming to a place of surrender and receiving God’s best again, is something else entirely – and I await His reply.

Another Poem - "Amend"

Breathing, as music to the soul
Takes a toll
On me
Amen
Wonder again
About me
And where I am
Where am I, really?
Alone with God
But where is He?
Amen.
Amen again.
All over again.
The end,
That's possible...
The end. Amend. Again.

Some Poetry

Elyse Elizabeth
Lofgren
Young
Sexual and
Eminent

Elyse Elizabeth Lofgren
Jacob Daniel Jackson
Two, a pair
Longing for one another's hope
Dreaming of a time in which to cope
Breathing, as sexuality it is
Longing for one another's dreams
Hope.

Dreading the time
When to part
Like the red sea
Or in a great boat
Longing to see, sweet carols' remembrance
Where is she now?
I don't remember.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Freewriting 1 - "Low Sugar Diet"

"Low Sugar Diet"

In my early 20s I developed a disability while serving in the Army National Guard. Since being put on medications, I've gained about 100lbs. Some of it was the meds, some of it was a sedentary lifestyle. I recently have been reading about how it's not fat that causes you to gain weight, but rather sugar and other carbohydrates. This is a big issue for me, as I enjoy sweet drinks and bread and all that good stuff. It seems that everywhere you look they're adding high fructose corn syrup to everything... which is one of the most dangerous sugars out there. I often find myself knowing what I need to do to lose weight - watch my carb intake, especially sugars, and get at least 30 mins of exercise each day - but not having the motivation to follow through. All too often I just want to crash at the end of the day and take a nap or eat. Some of the eating is self-medication - doing it to make me feel good for the short term. Whereas, the exercise makes me feel good for the long-term. How to I obtain that initial impetus to get out of bed, go to the gym, and work out or run for 30 mins? I'm a dancer, and being overweight is a hindrance to being able to dance, or at least dance without feeling embarrassed about my weight. I've tried posting a giant sign on my wall with "Wisconsin Singers" written on it - a goal to join the Singers when I return to the University of Wisconsin - Madison, but even that doesn't get me going as much as I had hoped. Maybe I need a workout buddy.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Idea Generation 3

youtube, cups game, UW Women's Volleyball, apartment search, home, blogger, groceries, low fat diet, low sugar diet, Subway sandwiches, Himalayan Sea Salt, minerals, don't brush your teeth - just rinse them says an independent MD, friends on Facebook, being blocked by friends on Facebook, getting married, grandparents, eating, food, Blackboard, counseling, psychotherapy, wandering through life, leaving the 99 to search for the one lost sheep, repentance, gift-giving, the Bible, Los Angeles, crowded cities, too many skyscrapers in one place, love like you're not scared, stand up for freedom, be crazy - it's more fun that way, talking, listening more than you talk, HD televisions, movies, epic storyline scope, The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, books I haven't read, movies based on books that totally ruin the books for you, theatre, acting, showstopper, angels, demons, spiritual warfare, undeserved love and favor (grace), never giving up on your dreams, being a dreamer, helping others reach their dreams, ministry, prayer, prayer closet, cramped prayer closet, falling asleep in cramped prayer closet, flashlights, late work nights at Copps Food Center, senior pranks, and 42.

Idea Generation 2

Terminus, Master of Orion II, Warcraft III, Deus Ex, Unreal Tournament, Unreal Game Engine, Game Development, programming, Bill Cosby, Jeff Foxworthy, Lou Engle, running out of gas, sleeping in

Idea Generation 1

electronics, computer software, computer programming, hunting, fishing, camping, dating, girlfriends, happy times, direct current, alternating current, help from God, Jesus, destruction of the Temple by the Romans, Hanukkah, Jewish, Yiddish, language arts, nicknames, squirrel combat, directions in life, homework, yellow plastic telephones, the game "telephone," scripture, the Army National Guard, Basic Combat Training, volleyball, tennis, show choir, singing, Singing In The Rain, dancing, ballet, tap, jazz, jacuzzis, modern, choreography, body types (ectomorphs, mesomorphs, endomorphs), Arnold Schwarzenegger, Super Battleship, the Navy, Mannheim Steamroller, music, love, attraction, and 42.